Loving yourself after children

Self-confidence is something we’re all craving a little more of these days. In a world that’s trying to tell us we aren’t enough or that we need the next or biggest to be worthy of self-confidence, it can be tough to find it within ourselves. And the truth is, self-confidence can be even more elusive after we’ve welcomed children. Becoming a mother was simultaneously the most magical and scariest change of my life. I knew motherhood would be a time of transition and I thought I was prepared for all the changes coming my way. 

I embraced both of my pregnancies and the changes that happened to my body. After all, bringing life into the world is a miracle in and of itself. And although not every change was thrilling, I learned to love everything that was happening to my body. Once both of my boys arrived, I naturally spent the majority of my time with all things baby. From midnight feedings to changing an endless amount of diapers, I wasn’t overly concerned with much outside of ensuring I was meeting the needs of my family. Between my children, husband, household, and businesses I was up to my eyeballs in responsibilities and tasks that required my full attention. Needless to say, I put myself on the back burner — but that didn’t mean I wasn’t aware of what was going on with my “new” body. 

Things had changed. Of course they had. My body was responsible for the creation of two beautiful babies and there’s no way that could happen without lasting alterations to my body.  But I would be lying if I said I loved all the changes. The truth is, I had spent years learning to love my curvy body pre-kids. I fought all the negative thoughts and societal pressures that told me I wasn’t enough and managed to truly love myself and every imperfection. So, my post-baby body initially had me feeling like I was back at square one. 

This new body was foreign to me and at times it didn’t even feel like it was my own. It was a real struggle for me to reconcile the body I had spent years learning to love with the one I now saw in the mirror. Time after time I looked at this miraculous body and wondered why I couldn’t feel the connection that I once did. I was feeling insecurities within myself that I thought I had permanently cast away. I was back to feeling as though I wasn’t meeting what the world expected of me. I know I’m not the only one who watched and saw other mommas whose bodies seemed to snap back overnight right after giving birth, and even though I was consistently empowered by these inspirational mothers and their seamless transition into their post-baby bodies, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being left behind.

Then one day it hit me — for every time I was able to compliment myself, whether it be on a work accomplishment or a new family milestone, each new experience or memory was being marred by my insecurities surrounding my post-baby body. I wasn’t truly embracing each and every change like I had hoped I would, and because of that, I was missing out on some of my life’s most important moments. I spent so much time thinking about the measurement of my waist and the idea that it wasn’t small enough that I was missing the entire point. My waist is part of a body that once carried my children inside of it and now carries them outside of it. How could I for a moment believe that the size of my waist determined my worth as a mom, or a wife, or a woman? It simply doesn’t.

And I realized that we as women have the tendency to do this to ourselves once transition into motherhood. We get so fixated on these changes and often give into the idea that we have to meet impossible standards that we don’t bother to give ourselves the credit we deserve. From that point I knew that I had to switch up my mindset and not let these changes or my perceived pressures take away the confidence I had worked so hard to find.So, I started investing in myself the way I deserved to.

I started by being kinder when I spoke to and about myself. We often forget about the power of the words we use and their impact on our overall well being. When I started taking the time to fill space with daily affirmations and positive thoughts, I was better able to push away the insecurities that had been keeping me down. Through consistent practice and speaking positive thoughts I was also able to let go of the false expectations that I had placed on myself. Sure, society was full of model-type people whose lives look perfect from the outside, but we all know it’s not real. And if I was constantly comparing my life and body to those I saw online, I was sure to lose every time. And the more I leaned into this new understanding of confidence, the more I was wanting to invest in myself. Part of what truly brings out my confidence is putting a little more effort into my appearance, and the best part is it’s not always about the appearance that people can see. 

Being a mom is a full time gig and it doesn’t leave any room for discomfort. Afterall, how can we be expected to juggle all that comes with a full life if we’re uncomfortable? That’s why I was thrilled to find Modern Match Lingerie. They magically found a way to bridge the gap between comfortable and sexy undergarments that fit seamlessly (no pun intended!) into my life. The best part is that they’re a local company that is dedicated to empowering women in a tangible way, and that’s something that resonates with my journey to re-discovering my self-confidence.

Read more about how my found confidence led me into life as an influencer.

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